Nature Red...

Mother Nature: Benevolent Gaea or bloodthirsty Kali?

In other words, do you believe there is an inherent justice in nature, "order" if you will, or is it merely a race for survival, a mad scramble to get to the next stage, pass the baton, where anything goes as long as you keep on running?

Or, borrowing the words of Joseph Campbell, do you believe in the Mythology of Peace or the Mythology of War?

We are all descendants of the mythologies of war. Mythologies of peace were all conquered, enslaved, annihilated.

Those who beat their swords into plowshares, will plow for those who didn't.

Same thing with nature.

Logging towns are endangered due to the protections offered to the spotted owl. The livelihoods of thousands, their futures and their childrens' futures are put at risk. It is a case of us against it, and some of our own species would take the defense of it, the spotted owl, in our detriment.

And that precisely is the point of this post.

Does the spotted owl have any superior claim to the right to survive, reproduce, thrive, than a lumberer?

Do the needs of the elusive American Jackelope trump our own?

There are some who will say: " But we are the only animals that kill for fun!" And that is patently false.



There is more than enough footage of animals being cruel to one another, being mean and killing unnecesarily.

And even if it where true, what would this supposed "morality" mean? When a hunting party from a village and a small pride of bachelor lions meet, when a bear breaks into your home enticed by the aroma of cooking, when armies march to kill one another for the possession of a fertile valley... there is no morality in the battlefield. There is no morality in the killing field.

In any case, the defense of the wildlife is a testament of how successful we are at surviving. We are so far ahead of everyone else at the race, that we can spare the time and effort to backtrack a bit to cheer and help other participants. We can stop a bit to help the special-ed kids when they fall flat on their faces. ( I am thinking of pandas here. Hate me all you want, but if they need help to even have sex, not to mention raising their young, maybe they do not deserve to survive.)

Still, we are in the race. We are far ahead, but we have not crossed the finish line.
We cannot see the finish line from where we are.

And maybe there is no finish line.

Keep that in mind. For that means we cannot afford to trip ourselves up in our effort to help the rest of them. Nature does not have favorites, and there is a running mob right behind you, ready to stomp us out of the race if we falter and fall on the path.

On the news...

The latest topic in PR is our suicide rate.

Well, that and the gay penguins adopting a chick.

But I want to talk about this suicide thing, 'cause I suspect the penguins are getting more media coverage than they want.

Anyways, according to Primera Hora, after the mass layoffs were announced, the Linea PAS hotline started getting about a 25% increase in calls every month. Oh, holy Sherlock! Do you think it might be related?

Then the Suicide Prevention Commission announces their new campaign.

Last campaign was called NO TE QUITES or Do Not Remove Yourself. The first time I heard it I thought they were kidding.

After the mass of factors that push a human being to despair, to consider the unspeakable act, to condemn themselves to hell for all eternity (this being a mainly Catholic country) and all they have to say to say was Do Not Remove Yourself?

And I imagined the would-be-suicide asking back: " Why? Why the bother, why the pain, why the emptiness and the sense of being a failure? Why should I be made to withstand that which is beyond my will to withstand? Why shouldn't I remove myself?"

Would they have an answer for him?

The new campaign is called I Love Life 24/7. I think it is even worse than the last one. This one does not even invite dialogue. The would-be-suicide could just mutter "good for you" and continue adjusting the noose. How is that supposed to be helpful?

Blah! I am not a suicide apologist. I am not the one to push the suicidal guy off the bridge. But I do believe that when to end your life is a personal desicion and one we are not entitled to make for him.

Put a safety system in place! By all means, do. Hot lines and support groups and stupid ad campaings. Go ahead and try to save some lives!

But do not try to hide the fact that there is sometimes more dignity in a death you have chosen yourself than in a life lived against your will.


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As a little side note, the article noted that 90% of successful suicides are men. Women make more attempts, but they usually survive. Why is that?

Basic MO

• Suicidal female: will clean the house, take a bath, wash her hair, shaves her legs, perfumes herself. She puts on something that she knows will look good on her. After she has made sure that she will look good, she swallows half a bottle of sleeping pills or cuts her wrists
• Suicidal male: Shoots himself in the head and fuck the clean-up!
  

Yesterday I drove

from Rio Piedras to Winston Churchill Ave. 4, almost 5 mile. Took the highway. Scary! Scary!

My husband kept telling me to go faster. "We're gonna get hit! Go faster! Ahhh!"

And I was struggling to remain in the correct lane, what with the potholes and the places where the lanes are not even marked. Also, I suspect I am losing my sight and we were doing this at 4am.

The important thing is we survived.

I told the gals at work: "If you found the traffic heavier than usual, it might have been caused by the trail of chaos, mayhem and destruction I left on my wake as I DROVE TO WORK TODAY!"

They cheered for my achievement a bit, predicted I would be a regular Road Warrior Queen in no time, and were quite insistent in that it was about time.

Then, one of the bosses got on my case about my use of negatives in speech. Metaphysics and such, Connie Melendez, Silverio Perez and the seven dwarves. She said that negative thinking poisons the mind, even in jest.

Well, shoot me! That puts a handicap in my communication skills.

I suppose at the second round I'll be leaving behind me a trail of rainbows, cherubs and purring kitties in my wake.

Under Construction

Not the blog. Me.

I am an unfinished project, a building still in the planning phase.

Never bothered me before. I have always had someone to depend on, first my father, then my husband, who would help me out. They would always be there to help me out, always ready to defend me. I was comfortable in the knowledge that they would place themselves in danger, if it came to that, to spare me.

I am lucky. I know, and this is in no way meant to belittle that commitment in them.

Then I started reading cop blogs and survivalist blogs. And I realized, not only their commitment is not returned (Duh! 'Cause I'm a girl, and girls don't have to come to the rescue.) but my attitude itself might put me in dangerous situations. Being protected is no reason for me to neglect my education.

I can't drive. I can't shoot a gun. Don't like to cook and the green thumb eludes me in potted plants. I do alright with plants on the ground, but I am living in an apartment and I don't even have a balcony. Suddenly I realized if there was a crisis or crime I was a sitting duck. Yikes!
I need to get prepared fast.

Carlos found this change in me a bit bewildering, I think. But he is a very laid back man and he allows me my crazy times, so as long as I don't buy myself a milk goat to keep in the kitchen, he is cool with all of this.

Anyways, I devised a plan to make myself into a more self-sufficient person.
First I need to drive. Working on it.
This will free more options for me later on.

I am searching for a house with land to homestead. Not too much land, I plan on urban-homesteading. Right now I live in a metropolitan area, near the bus routes, at the very axis, almost. If I don't drive, I remain constrained to this area, where I will pay premium prices for a small ugly house in a bad neighborhood. Once I have my own method of transportation, I will be able to choose almost any part of the island, so I will be able to get more land for less money.

I plan on getting a gun and learning how to use it. My husband is not comfortable at all with this part, but I think it's important. I will wait until I have my driver's license, though, because it is a matter of escalation. I don't want the gun if I can't handle myself with a stupid car.

Then comes the homesteading thing, and this is not as time and work intensive in Puerto Rico as in the United States. Here things grow all on their own. Spit a seed and you will have a giant beanstalk in a matter of days.

And classes. I want to take first aid classes and learn how to take care of things. But this is a while down the road, I know. Carlos does not have the time to take me to all these places and do all of these things, so everything depends on the driver's license.

For the moment I am working on my cooking. Storing food and water, just in case, because we just entered the hurricane season. There will be no takeout then, so I am trying to master a few recipes before then. My husband happily wolfs down whatever I put on his plate, so we make a good working pair.

First steps first, no?

Step one - cooking delicious food.

Step two - getting my wheels.

Am I going blind?

I first noticed something wrong on January 2008, when I got my apprentice driver's licence. When they show you the E's facing different directions. I aced that test, got my 20/20's but I had to strain for it.

I never had to strain before.

Now, since at least this January I have been sort of suspecting I am not seeing clearly. I do not pay much attention to my surroundings anyways, and the loss was mostly on far things, so I was not overly worried. Then the fuzzyness crept nearer and I got the hibbi-jibies.

Now I can deduce what traffic signs say, because of the shape of the words, but the letters themselves are too unfocused to be deciphered. I have trouble seeing things that my bespectacled co-workers say: "Daaamn, woman! And you say you can't see that?"

I can't imagine anything worse than losing my sight. I am a reader. I would die!
And yes, I am aware there is a certain thing called Braille, but I would have to learn to read all over again, and meanwhile I would not be able to read.

Also, I have not yet seen an ophthalmologist. I have an appointment for July, it was the soonest I could get.

I am probably drowning in a glass of water. I have no blindness in my family, on either side. Still, I am anxious.

Maybe this is my body telling me not to drive.....

JUST KIDDING!!!!

Learning to drive

At this age of mine,(turning 30 in two weeks, if you must know) I am learning to drive.

Carlos takes me for a spin in a parking lot we know that is totally vacant on Caturdays. At first he stayed on the car giving me directions, but now he gets off and tells me to drive around a few times and return for him. It gives me more confidence. No more sharp indrawn breath when I make something stupid.

I am still having trouble judging distances, and it's not like I'm learning inside a ginormous-monstertruck- SUV. I am driving in a sedan. Small, compact, automatic transmission.

Still, everytime I turn right I misjudge the distance and either invade the other lane or jump the curve.

I am aware that I sound pathetic. I should have learned sooo long ago that it would be second nature to me. Hindsight is 20/20.

the guys at work tell me that I should get me a professional teacher. Learning with family and friends is harder because they love you and will not force you to go farther than you want to go at that moment, so you learn slooooowly. Or they get nervous easily and rattle your nerves too!

They tell me a real teacher would place me behind the wheel on day one, and we would go on a long-ish trip. Two hours or so. After three days of this, they say, anyone is ready for the test.
And that is scary as hell to me.

I will do it, but after I have passed a slightly smaller test Carlos devised for me.

You see, Carlos goes to work at 4:45 am and takes me to my job. At the time there is very little traffic.

There is some traffic, so I am not in my confort zone, but since I fear I might be a risk to others on the road, this is the best way to test me and give me confidence for the professional teacher.

I will be driving to work on Monday morning. After a week of this, I will be ready for a trip to Ponce and will be blogging about it!