I’ve spent a long time without writing here.
Sorry about it, but I couldn’t deal with the negativity.
For a blog called Kiki-Chan in Wonderland, I sure wrote some dark themes.
It has been a rough …year and a half? Maybe more.
It started with the layoffs, and then followed by the intensive training for the stupid new program. And finally, I got pregnant, and it turned out I was one of the lucky few who vomit during the whole pregnancy. It was so bad that I twice vomited unto my own lap because I didn’t have time to turn towards a wastebasket. I fell asleep on the job constantly, and my employer was not very supportive. I developed anemia, and I was hospitalized twice to be treated for hematoemesis (vomiting blood). I had to go on disability. I took some probiotics my midwife recommended and I had an allergic reaction. I survived the pregnancy, but it was hard, hard, hard.
We had the birth at home, attended by a midwife, just like we wanted. We had rented a little pool to use for the birth, but the water heater had broken months before, and I had made clear to my landlord that I needed it fixed and for what reason; he never fixed it. Therefore, the water was cold and we couldn’t use the pool. I had to birth on my bed, which was something I had not wanted.
Didi was born beautiful, alert, and crying. The midwife placed her in my arms and I made my first (failed ) attempt at breastfeeding.
Then, just after the placenta had been expelled, I bled about 1,200ml in one big gush (midwife’s estimate). I was taken to the hospital (again), and they gave me two blood transfusions, plus iron supplements. I was out of the hospital in a few days but the bastards kept my baby for a while. They had started her on antibiotics (unnecessary, since she was healthy) , and they had to finish the treatment.
Didi was fed formula while in the hospital, so we had trouble with breast feeding. I tried to get her to latch on, but she would pucker up as if waiting for a kiss.
:-*
But we kept trying and a month later I had it down (I thought). Except my baby was not growing; she was not getting enough to eat. Three doctors have told me that the hemorrhage could have damaged my pituitary so that it doesn’t produce enough prolactin to feed my baby.
So now she is both breastfed and formula fed. I try to encourage breastmilk production by pumping at work, and letting her suck whenever she is with me. I hope later I will produce enough so that I can wean her from formula and have her exclusively breastfed.
I hope things turn out better from now on.
And there is a little monster bringing joy to my life now, so I will try and look on the bright side.
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